We report from the International Art Historical Congress of 2666, held on the Propeller Island in international waters, and upon readers demand, we report from the Rembrandt Research Platform very in particular (see picture above, showing all, not only the present, but also the former members of the much debated Rembrandt Research Project who had gathered on this very occasion).

»Why does the picture commonly known as The Syndics of the Draper’s Guild (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syndics_of_the_Drapers'_Guild), why does this picture not figure any longer as a Rembrandt?«, the elder Dutch gentleman from the Rembrandt Appreciation Society wanted to know. From any member of the panel, upon which he made a challenging and at the same time very dismissive gesture.
One knew his monologues here already, on this very platform; nevertheless the panel was in trouble, since one had mistakenly given the only microphone away that had now been passed to the enraged gentlemen who, triumphantly, awaited an answer (although he was in posession of the only microphone).
»But can’t you see that the painter of this picture painted a parody of Rembrandt?«, one member of the very panel was about to say, but now the actual monologue of the elder gentleman got going.
»And doesn’t it seem impossible to you as well that Rembrandt would have provided us with a parody of himself?«, the Professor in the back thought for himself, but all in vain.
Hardly understandable, the elder Dutch gentleman now pointed out that Rembrandt was actually one of the few painters that he could imagine of having painted of parody of his own style (he obviously had read the books of every member of that panel and was therefore prepared for any feud), that actually Rembrandt was one of the godfathers of Postmodernism, an obscure philosophy that – obviously – no member of the revered panel had ever heard of (but in the Rembrandt Appreciation Society had become very fashionable).
Some confusion was brought in, for a moment, by the contribution of a PhD student, who now, in turn, was claiming, and in a way supporting the board, that even the century was completely mistaken and that the picture depicted in fact a legendary panel at the 2014 Authentication in Art conference that had been held at The Hague (technical analysis had proven this, not to mention iconological research).
But this was now too much for the members of the panel, and life reverted to them (our picture does in fact show the very moment before life reverted to this actually equally belligerent group).
And in shouting one of the panel members made now clear (at least to the rest of the audience) that the hats might be in accordance with that decade, but not at all the beards and hairdos.
Upon which the elder Dutch gentleman, now ostentatively, and not without ironic triumph, nodded.

(18.11.2014; with thanks to Zadie Smith)

PS (19.11.): A reader does inform us that, in the meantime, an inscription has been found, proving that the picture does actually show the 2220s Rock Band The Martian River Pirates (a ZZ Top revival band) at a press conference. And more than that: We are also informed that the picture does render the very moment – which, I might say, brings our story to an even better end – when the band was being asked, I quote, ›… but why do you all dress up as Rembrandt?‹.

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